life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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