i need an iv and a liver transplant
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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