sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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