FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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