he was CRYING into my vagina
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
