hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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