omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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