I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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