Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
