I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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