It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
