I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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