In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
