dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
