You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
