Plan B is the new Plan A
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
