just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
