I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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