we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
