I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
