before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
