It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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