My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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