I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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