If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
