is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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