The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
