I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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