i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
