Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
