As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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