maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
