So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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