I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
