..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Randomize
