Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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