the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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