I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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