And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
