With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
