No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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