So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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