I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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