I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
