good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
