i already hear my dad disowning me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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