i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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