i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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