it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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