he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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