I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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