6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i came on her dog
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
