Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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