Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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