I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
