he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
