oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
