Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
