Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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