Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
