Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
