There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
