You're completely useless in the revolution.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
